I told you everything about the first tests I did, and how painful and uncomfortable they were. But have I told you how uncomfortable it was when anyone would ask me “don’t your glasses help you enough?” or “you should wear contact lenses” or “You should see your doctor and get a better prescription to your glasses if they’re not working for you anymore”.
Have you ever had to go through that? Has anyone ever asked you these questions? It’s even more painful than the tests I did and the bright lights after complete darkness. Because no matter what you say, there is always another stupid question after that, or a chuckle or a laugh.
NORMAL people don’t understand. They can’t put themselves in your shoes, and they don’t want to. They don’t even pretend they’re trying to get you. They laugh because they think WE are the stupid ones. They think WE are the ones who don’t have enough information about our own condition as if we’re just “like this” because we did not go to a doctor to check our eyes, or that we have no idea what we’re talking about.
The truth is, there is no way of explaining it to a ‘regular-eyed-person’. Even when they’re the closest to you. Our brothers, sisters, parents, boyfriends, wives, kids, best friends…
They’ll accept you the way you are, and they’ll help you and do their best to not ask you questions that in your head will sound stupid but for them, it doesn’t make sense. But they will never understand you fully. Unless they’ve got it too, they’ll never, ever, ever understand your pain completely.Unless they’ve got it too, they’ll never, ever, ever understand your pain completely.
But they’re your family, your treasure, your everything, and you’re that to them. So they won’t judge you and they will always have questions in their minds, but they’ll never let all of them out because they don’t want to hurt you. They don’t want you to think they don’t believe you. They do.
But there is no way to actually tell them or anyone for that matter, how it really is, how broken you are. You’ll always try to seem normal. And to feel normal. And to do normal. But you know what? You’re not normal. Not better. Not worse. But not the same. You’ve got something inside. Something maybe 1 in every 10.000 people has.
And that is special. Maybe not ‘good special’, but not ‘worthless special’, and you’ll only find your ‘special-self’ along your path and each one of us will be able to change the world somehow with our perspectives.
We have all the right to try to be a little normal; that is ok, and even necessary once in a while. You can think of yourself as a superhero at times, but you can also lock yourself inside the bathroom, fall to your knees and cry the life out of you when you feel like it. You have that right. You can. You should. But always remember: before you unlock that bathroom door, pull yourself together, wash your face, put on a smile and be strong. This doesn’t mean you’re pretending or hiding your feeling, it just means that you need your own time, your own alone moment, to become your best superhero-self. Does that make any sense to you?