What do I want to be today?

Picture from: https://twitter.com/3da0831ee31f4a0

“I get the funny feeling and that’s alright”. It’s what says a tattoo I got with my sister. What does it mean?
Too much?
I’m not entirely sure.
Green Day is my favorite band and they have all these deep and political and emotional songs and they can ‘do’ a lot.
Kept me thinking.
I get a funny feeling… about What? Well…. At the time – when I got the tattoo, about two years ago – it was the mess that had been going on in my family. Dad no longer living with us and we found ourselves kinda abandoned. But we only felt that. It never really happened literally (the abandonment). We just lived in different houses.
Now? We grew up (me and my sister). It might still make sense if we put it that way but maybe a little less than it used to.
Now it kind of has a different sense, different reflexion.
I get a funny feeling… and that’s alright? Ahm… Well… It has to be alright, because it’s not like I have another choice, really. I mean… if I put it to the reality I live now… I get the funny feeling that I am what I am and I have to live with the choices I made in my life, right?
A funny feeling. Not ‘funny’, really. That’s just an expression. Isn’t it?
I lost 55% vision already, with my genetic disease that does not have treatment or cure. I’m living in a different country from the one I was born, and my family is far away. Some of them I don’t even miss. Others, I miss more than words could explain.
So… What am I saying here?
I’m saying that ‘I get the funny feeling and that’s alright’. That’s it.
You know what? no. I really think it’s a funny feeling, actually. I mean… Besides the family being away and the fact I’m almost to the point of becoming a blind person… it might even be ironic, but I love my life. I really do. I’m married and I love my husband. We live in a beautiful city and we have a simple and good life. It’s funny. I’ve got this funny feeling. And I say that on the literal meaning of the expression.
But the original meaning of the non-literal understanding of this expression would also make sense in my life. Because if funny actually men’s weird or strange or disturbing or disappointing or depressing or anything else, I can be related to it, too. Correct?
My brain is like a puzzle. And I’m not a very organized person. Not very often. And sometimes, just like I lose my socks when I’m doing laundry, I also lose pieces of the puzzle.
But as happens to the socks, I find the pieces later on. Maybe months or a year later. Although some of them I really don’t think I’ll ever find again…but that’s ok. If it’s lost, it’s lost. Move on. Buy new pairs. And what I wanna say with this (puzzle thing) is that if I lost a piece in my brain that makes things have a little bit of sense (funny feeling) that’s ok.
Because… today… I get the funny feeling and that’s really really alright. Today I want to be happy
What about you? What do you want to be today?

– M

ps: sometimes I know I say weird things and they don’t seem to make sense. But don’t you worry about me. I’m ok. Ha!

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