A life’s synthesis

I’ve been talking about different things lately, but the whole point is to say what is in my mind. I’ve told you about my Stargardt’s Disease. I have expressed my anger towards my situation and my state of spirit regarding it. Now I want to tell you some more.
Good and bad has happened ever since I found out about it. School just got harder and harder, especially in my math and chemistry classes. But I’ve always been very strong. In the beginning, as my vision wasn’t as bad as it has become the past few years (about 2 years to be more specific)I still had all that teenager thing inside of me, telling me I could just be and do anything my heart desired.
Abd than, it was time to go to college. I’ve always studied more than any of my friends, and I did get pretty good grades, and I was able to hide from most people that I am, legally, a disabled person.
I’d only tell anyone if they were becoming my friends and I felt comfortable opening up. Some people wouldn’t understand or didn’t care. And that is alright. So, unless it was absolutely necessary or if I’ve grown close to someone, they probably would not know of my undercover-self.
Soon after, I started taking care of some business for my dad at his restaurant. From most part, I was really good at my job. Everything I could, I did on my own, and that made me so strong and I learned about myself and with myself, each day, more and more.
After about two years, there I was, changing courses in college. I decided to go to business school: a very bad decision I made. But hey, we make mistakes right? That’s ok! And I did learn so much with it, and if it weren’t for that stupid decision – that at the moment of my making it, it wasn’t stupid at all – I gained a friend. A very dear one, that I love so much.
And so, after two more years, my husband and I decided that we needed a big change in our lives. We were moving to Seattle. We had visited it a few months before we started thinking about moving and we loved the city. So beautiful (I’ll make a post later about some nice things to do there). The weather is harsh though. So we moved to California.
It’s sunny, historic, expensive and a good place to start over, if that’s what you’re after. San Francisco is pretty great and the life here is a bit weird. But I’m not complaining.
And here, again, I find myself thinking over my life, and how my vision has affected me so far, and that is when I decided to start the blog. I wanted to tell my story, and I wanted to let out my feeling with no regrets of doing so, and no caps I would have to put over it.
No more hiding. I want to tell the world that I am who I am. That I’ve got my anxiety attacks, that I have my happy and ridiculously silly moments, and that I’ll do what I can to improve myself, by writing and letting it all out.
I’m free now. I want to write about whatever comes to mind. I love wine. I love traveling. I love staying on my PJ’s all weekend long, watching series and eating chips and chocolate. I love sleeping until noon and talking to my mom on the phone for hours.
I love looking at my wedding pictures and imagining so many other different scenarios and because of that, I love to talk about wedding flowers and lovely simple decorations. I hate the train that honks a thousand times every day in front of my apartment. I hate when people do things just to show off. I hate tomatoes but I do love pasta and marinara sauce (I am a weirdo).
I don’t care if someone is having a party and I don’t feel like going. I’ll do what I want to do. I like simple and I’m discovering that I might be a “wonderer”. I guess staying in one place makes me stuck. I might be wrong and I might change my mind about this one. It hasn’t been settled. I just think about it, sometimes.
My vision condition might take me nowhere or everywhere. Who knows… I just know I’ll try to see everything I can while I still can. Sometimes I can be depressing and others, I’m a goofball. Is this how normal people feel like?
I’m letting it out. There it is. This is me. And writing is what has been helping me to breathe a little better.

-M.

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