Let’s bee free and do what we gotta do

Lately, I have been having lots of ideas for the blog, and I haven’t been sharing it yet because I want it not only to be a surprise but an ongoing one and I want to keep you always happy about the content. I want to create something fun, sophisticated, helpful and super awesome that is going to be a big deal for me and you. So that’s why it might take a few baby steps to get to it. Please, be patient with me and if you can/want to, you can give me some ideas or your opinion!
About last post, I told you possible topics and categories that will start showing up. One of them is obviously my vision lost/disease (Stsrgsrdt) and my everyday life, dealing with it, as it has been my first subject since I created the blog, and the one I put the most work into.
These past two weeks I’ve been noticing something special inside me. I think I grew up a little and my maturity has finally revealed itself to me, especially when it comes to my condition.
Stargardt, as many other degenerative retinal diseases are incredibly hard to deal with and if you don’t accept yourself and the situation you’re in, you keep losing your track. You just won’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Well, you literally won’t use the light at the end of a tunnel because your vision is terrible (Sorry, just a little humor..)! But what I want to say is… you keep frustrating yourself and not accepting who you are, or not seeing a purpose in life. The “why?” in your head is just too big and takes an up a lot of space in your brain. That can be so hard. I know it by experience. But I’m not trying to get you to pity me and my life. No. Not at all. Absolutely not.
Just… Keep reading, please…
Regardless of all the difficulties – frustration, people’s hard time understanding me, religion, faith, feeling of self-deprecation, isolation, etc -, I’m getting more mature with it. After all, it’s been over 11 years and I still have my moments of self-doubt and the anger pounding in sometimes.
But I’m growing and finally understanding that no matter what, life gives us two options for everything: start living your life and stop complaining. Get over your problems and/or learn to live with them or give up, stay in your room, cry everyday and watch while people and time go by and life abandoned you and you’re left with nothing but regret for not realizing life is too precious and that we should find happiness and hope in the little things; they are the ones that matter most.
I’ve been saying to myself sometimes, and I guess it may work for others: Get your butt up, fight, believe in yourself, and if you can’t, try every day a little, ‘ill you get there. Even when it looks like life is totally messing with you, and you feel like complete garbage and that life just laughs at you, hit back, and get yourself together. No one can love you as you can.
I’m saying that to myself and I’m saying that to you, who are always complaining that life is too hard and things aren’t how they should be, or why some have too much, some have nothing and you’re not happy. Just stop. Stop that. Get up, shake it off, put on a smile and go. Go. Go do what you have to do.
If you have to go to work, go. If you have to go breakup with your boyfriend, go. If it’s you, your feeling of not able to do something, just try being, saying or doing something that you want but never felt like you could.
I am the most anxious person I’ve ever known. I’ve always had people around me saying they couldn’t do stuff and I guess I kinda started being like them. And I see it now. I need to let them go. Their imagination of fear and incapability. That’s not me.
I’m a Stargardian! I have half or less of my vision left, I’m married, I live in a different t country from the one I want born in, I know nearly no one here, I’m far from loved ones, I work, I write, I wash my laundry, I have a lot of series to catch up with, I cannot drive, I hate the train, I feel fat… I started doing yoga, I love it! I started meditation, also made me realize so much already… I’m thinking of learning a third language (French) and I’m just noticing that I am happy. I just need to own up to it and keep looking for what makes me feel good.
Everyone has hard times, sad moments, problems… But we can all be better. Be free. We only need a little push – for most people – and we’ll get places that even our imagination didn’t think we could.
So, please, get up and let’s go!
Kiss kiss, Amores!
-M.

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